Don't make the same mistakes as Tony Soprano
Reviewing Q1 of 2024 for good mental health
A quarter of 2024 is gone already, hurts a bit doesn’t it? Time moved at an agonising crawl in January and then slammed down on the accelerator in February and March. Here we are all of a sudden at the start of April, in the early days of Spring. Easter has passed and there is a sense of renewal in the air. It would be easy to just say “thank god that Winter’s over” and move on. But that would be a mistake. Its time to take stock of what’s happened so far. Its time for the quarter year review.
Bullet (point) Time
One of the most effective ways I’ve found to slow down the experience of time flying past is to formally acknowledge what happened over a certain period in writing. At the end of every week I sit down and write a ‘Weekly Review’. This is fairly simple and usually only takes about fifteen minutes on a Sunday or a Saturday. There are only two parts to the review. First ‘achievements’: this is where I list off everything that got done that week, the art that was made, the meetings that were had, invoices chased or paid, even a haircut can make this list. In the interests of transparency here is that list from my last review:
Achievements:
Launched the Alphabet of Art mini giclee print editions! Sold really well so far.
Created all the product pages, did all the product photography, wrote the copy etc etc for all 27 bits of artwork in that series
Wrote my longest Substack yet on the origins of the alphabet which went down really well.
Met with Lianna for the Abney Park Cafe sign plus gallery wall, will be a nice project
Helped out ali and returned my day of labour with some gilding
Made an IG reel of all my shop offerings at the moment as well as loads of IG work throughout the week to promo the launch of the new series
Had a play around with my new ink nibs.
Sent off bio and image for Vogue advert
Did extra PR questionnaire for Marianne
Got a haircut
Bought a fresh new chain and tshirt for the wedding
Uploaded FWMSWM to Holly and Co
Paid for 60% of the test card edition invoice
Rolled and prepped stock for They Made This
Agreed job for I Mare Street: Deeper Into Movies. And set up meeting next week with Soho Ad agency mural job.
As you can see these achievements vary in importance and complexity. But here in the review, listed off as bullet points, they are equals. Any task that gets done deserves to be acknowledged because getting things done is difficult. We’ve all experienced the shame that can come with failing to get even the most basic tasks completed. This practice is about showing yourself the compassion that you would to a child and being as encouraging as possible. The bar for what is termed an achievement is low to allow this happen, in the same way you would enthusiastically say “well done!” to a child for putting on their shoes. The idea is that you build confidence and momentum through this list of achievements, rather than chastising yourself for not doing more or better.
The second section of the review is for a little analysis, ‘Reflections’ is the subheading that I use. I have a brief discussion with myself to assess the week in more fluid terms. I ask myself how did I actually feel during this time? I elaborate on what those achievements meant in the broader context of my own rolling internal and external narrative, and if things didn’t get done I look to understand the reasons why. Sometimes its one paragraph long, sometimes its ten. In the interests of my own cringe levels I won’t share an example of one of these with you. They’re a private space to discuss anxieties, plans and my current level of megalomania with myself. Its a kind of diary, and is therefore a sacred space.
What I can say is that this is an incredible important writing practice for me. The amount of weeks that have felt absolutely awful while I was in the midst of them but on reflection, once the ‘achievements’ have been listed off and the difficulties I was experiencing analysed, were actually quite decent is staggering. When I’m really off my game this practice drops off completely and I start to feel rudderless. Weeks seem to pass with no discernable successes to hang my hat on, the internal monologue gets steadily darker and the simplest of tasks become mountains to climb - executive dysfunction sets in.
Check Yourself
Its worth remembering that I work on my own and for myself. There’s no one to tell me to get my shit together other than me and there’s no one to actually make the shit start coming together again other than me. Sometimes I’m envious of Premier League footballers who have a team of sports psychologists, dieticians, personal trainers and a world class manager to oversee their personal development. I spoke last week about being a chameleon in my artwork but I also have to be a chameleon in my business management. If I had thousands of pounds to spare I could hire a development coach, but I don’t. And anyway, they’d only tell me things I already know, things I tell myself each week when I sit down to review that unit of time. Ultimately its still going to need to me to go out there and start getting the results on the pitch.
At the end of each month I reread the weekly reviews and make a report on the month. This takes the same structure as the weekly reviews, but I leave out some of the more minor achievements for brevity (getting a haircut sadly doesn’t make the monthly achievement list). Monthly reviews always feel great, cherry picking the biggest achievements from four weeks of effort really helps establish a solid sense of personal growth. February might have felt like if flew by, but in the review I can see everything that actually happened and realise it didn’t. Because if I didn’t review the weeks then I would have long forgotten 80% of what got done that was worth celebrating. Your memory is fickle and unreliable.
So now, three months into the year, I can look back on three monthly reviews and give myself a picture of how things are going that isn’t based just on my memory and my feelings about those memories. My reviews give me a sort of objective (although obviously still subjective) truth to asess my performance.
January Blues?
When I sat down to write this piece my memory of January was very negative. I remember that as a really tough month dominated by money anxieties, feeling burnt out and hopeless about the year ahead. But having just read my monthly review of January for the first time since writing it I have a totally different picture. It was a really successful month. I finished two nice commissions, started a new series of artwork, redecorated the front wall of my house and began this weekly Substack practice! Not bad for someone who felt like a shell of themselves for most of the month. Here’s a section of the Reflections section on the Substack:
“But actually I did create something new this month, something I’ve wanted to create for years but haven’t managed to. Four weeks in a row publishing pieces of writing in my Substack needs to be celebrated. It wasn’t easy. It took commitment and bravery and time. I didn’t feel good all month, not really, but I still managed that. It wasn’t dependant on mood it was a practice. And after each one I felt better for it, for articulating something to myself. It was just a challenge to not make them all bloody depressing!”
The key line here being: “it wasn’t dependant on my mood it was a practice”. At the start of the 2022 and 2023 I wrote out a list of key things I wanted to achieve. On both lists was the goal “turn your mailout into a weekly writing practice with a broad scope”. A measure of my moral at the start of 2024 was that I didn’t even write one of these lists. But still, this January in the depths of the lowest mood I’ve experienced for a long time I managed to tick off something I’d wanted to do for years but hadn’t managed. Part of what made that finally happen was that I didn’t have any money for more dramatic business investments to get me out of that hole. Writing is free. Its by far the cheapest form of therapy you can give to yourself. These reviews aren’t dependant on my mood, they are a practice for exploring where that mood is coming from and how its changing.
Don’t make the same mistakes as Tony Soprano
February arrived and I still felt pretty bleak. I was skint, about to turn 35 and feeling lost. The first Substack of that month was titled ‘Who Am I, Where am I going?’. During this extended period of bleak I had turned to one of my favourite comfort blankets: rewatching the Sopranos, a parable of male depression through the lens of a mafia boss from New Jersey. Tony utters that line “who am I, where am I going” when he wakes up from a coma. On the wall of his hospital room someone has pinned a quote that reads: “Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all while a great wind carries me across the sky”. Rather than digest this wisdom for himself, Tony then parrots this line throughout the rest of the series to both his actual family and his mafia family every time they complain about something he’s done. Watching this I had a moment of realisation and decided I needed to not repeat Tony’s mistake and actually take that quote on board.
Another item on both of the goal lists from 2022 and 2023 was to redesign my website. I made starts in both of those years but never got them close to finishing. February of this year was different. I finally found the time and mental commitment to get it done. It was a horrible process but it the end it helped with the low level of depression I’d been battling. Looking back over all my work from the last decade and distilling it into webpages was a big review: a chance to celebrate, acknowledge and reflect on all of those achievements that had been forgotten or misremembered. The time for going about in pity for myself was over.
Things finally started to really turn for me in March. A big part of that was thanks to you lot for buying a load of my artwork. In January and February I sold just one piece of art, in March I sold ninety nine. In those first two months I also received a grand total of zero new inquiry emails for commissioned work. It was as quiet as the start of the pandemic, very concerning. You can see why I might have started to think I was finished. Three weeks into March I was still at zero and then all of a sudden the emails, whatsapps and IG messages started to roll in with inquiries. For the first time in a long time my bank account looked healthy, I had plans for new edition releases and commissioned work lined up. I could breathe again.
Reflections:
On reflection its been a good start to the year. I’ve ticked off two major pieces of work that had been on the hit list for years and I’ve managed to pull myself out of a financial hole by selling my own artwork direct to you the buyers. You can’t ask for much more than that.
What’s interesting is just how heavily money worries can effect my day to day mood and my creative output. Its very difficult to dream or play or focus on creating when there’s a constant warning siren firing off in the back of your mind. You drift into thoughts of the future “how am I going to pay my mortgage?” or you remember the past “I used to be able to pick and choose what work I did there was so much coming in” and you leave the present which needs your focus.
I know I’m not the only one whose had a rough winter financially. A lot of the people I’ve spoken to in the creative industries have suffered badly. And you only need to take a cursory glance at the news to see that people in all walks of life are struggling. It’s important to note that I’m not in control of the external factors that determine the general wealth of the population and their ability to buy or commission artwork from me. But when you’re in the midst of a tough period like the one I just had its very easy for the internal narrative to head towards a place of self blame, to see the current state of affairs as a failure in my own business strategy, or effort level, or creative bravery.
If I didn’t take time to make these weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly reviews I would quickly spiral into going about in a constant state of pity for myself. Instead I take a moment to acknowledge the winds that carry me across the sky: my health, my family, my friends, my home, my work and my customers. Writing, it turns out, is as important for me creatively as drawing or painting. It doesn’t really matter if Q2 of 2024 is somehow “better” than Q1. All that matters is that I keep turning up and every time I turn up its acknowledged and recorded. Trust the process and results will look after themselves.
Tips for your own reviews
Keep it simple. Find a way that’s easiest for you to actually get it done. I use Notion for my reviews, I don’t understand how to use 95% of Notion’s interface but it works well for me. I used to write it by hand in a physical notebook, that may be best for you. It could even just be in the notes app on your phone.
Be generous with yourself. Keep that bar for ‘achievement’ low, no need to be as harsh on yourself as Roy Keane would be. Doing your job is an achievement. Going for one run in a week rather than the five you had planned is still an achievement. Build confidence with generosity, you critique yourself enough already.
Keep a rolling log of what your doing over the course of a week. If you don’t write things down as you go you will forget most of it by the end of the week. At the start of each week I write an ‘inbox’ of tasks professional and personal that I need to get done. Over the course of the week I tick them off when they’re complete. Every weekly review starts by looking at this log to see what got done. I’ve tried doing it from memory before as a test and I never ever remember it all. Memory is fickle and unreliable, remember?
Be consistent. Try and keep this up for at least a full month at first. That way you can really start to see the benefits. At least then when you inevitably fall of the wagon and stop you can remember how to start straightening yourself out again.
Last Chance to Buy and Alphabet of Art Initial Print
I’ve been blown away by how well these dinky little giclée prints have been received. I keep getting messages from people whose prints have arrived saying they’re even better in real life. And they are, its always really difficult to convey the quality in photos, but I love how they turned out.
You only have a few days left to pick one of these up before they’re gone from my store. At midnight on Sunday the 7th they will all disappear again for good. So get in while you still can.
I agree with your view, that writing stuff - acheivements, reviews, etc. - can be hugely beneficial. Better than letting all the highs & lows fester in your brain... Keep it coming